The First of Many Explanations

Thanks for such a warm welcome into Blogsville! And if I haven't said it already to you personally, Happy New Year!

The first few times I was around, some were personal blogs, others were blog ideas that never got off the ground... it didn't really work out because I was holding back. There was no satisfaction in writing because I wasn't really saying much, I've never really been into talking about feelings and such, but I'm working on it. So let me clarify a few things, especially in relation to the questions in the first post. I feel this might be a long one... Lol

About Me

I'm a 19 year old female/young lady/woman (I haven't quite decided at what stage I'm at). I have a Nigerian father, I'm Igbo; a Ghanian mother, I'm Ga; and I'm also American (East Coast Reppin'). I go to University in the UK and have been there in boarding school before that since 2002. I have only 1 boyfriend and we're 13 months old today! I count every month, he's more into the anniversary thing - Lol. I'm turning 20 on Inagauration Day and Obama is totally stealing my shine - Lol, but I'm glad he won (anyone know where I can get CHEAP Obama shirts?). I'm highly sensitive, but I'm working on it,I get upset more easily than others, anger, tears, frustration - you name it, so some people, like one of my boyfriend's best friends, think I'm angry all the time... Not true but hey? Matter of opinion right?

My "Friendly" Invitation Guy

Turns out I'm not a loser (in my first post I was trying to talk to this guy who I think likes me to make myself feel better - was missin my boo) 'cuz he wasn't at his computer at the time and he messaged me that night/morning when he got in around 5am UK time. And I get another invitation... Yes! I still got it! Lol

F.I.G just sent you a nudge.
You have just sent a nudge.
F.I.G says: just came bac
F.I.G says: u ok
Therapy says: yea im good was jus bored to be honest
Therapy says: did u have fun wherever u came from?
F.I.G says: well not bad.....
Therapy says: 6am it cant be too bad can it
Therapy says: Lol
F.I.G says: am drunk
Therapy says: oh
Therapy says: sorri
F.I.G says: been drinking
F.I.G says: it ok
Therapy says: hmmm wat time do clubs close in plymouth? assuming u went clubbin - if u ddnt thats kool and none of my business
F.I.G says: like 5-5.30
Therapy says: wow
Therapy says: [where I stay] suks
Therapy says: they close 2:30/3
F.I.G says: same here
F.I.G says: for some
Therapy says: hmmm
Therapy says: arent u tired?
F.I.G says: u should cum to plymouth
F.I.G says: am off to bed..
F.I.G says: now gnite
Therapy says: ok gnite sleep well
Therapy says: xxxx

Last Night

I was going to let you know about the exes and some situations going down right now but I want to tell you about last night. Last night I went completely weird on my boyfriend. He called me to tell me he was online. I'm all hyphed 'cuz I'm excited. He says something really sweet about how I have his heart then after that he makes a joke about it because we both know he can't be sentimental without a joke at the end. It's like he gives it then he has to take it back right away. I don't really understand, well I do kind of. But 13 months later!!! Come on... but I'm patient, he'll drop those barriers soon I really believe that. But I just went all depressed anyway, I can't even explain it but all the excitement to talk to him just went, because everytime he calls or I talk to him all the strength I've built on not missing him kind of crumbles. Then I have to start all over again... And it's only a month holiday!!! How lame is that?!?! But then I see him everyday when I'm back in UK (I'm in USA right now) so it's... different...

The Exes

I've only ever had 5 boyfriends in my life. One of them I dated twice, something I had told myself I wouldn't ever do with anybody - long story. So here they are and maybe you'll understand the first post a little better (and future posts).

My First Ex

I've never really counted M.F.E as a boyfriend really. But then my first REAL relationship was at Uni so then I can't really count the other 3 either... Let me explain.

M.F.E was my friend's cousin when I was in secondary school. I met him once when I went to her church, we started calling each other, and he asked me out over the phone *cringe (I know). My mom was, and still is, very strict so this was a phone relationship. We talked all the time but only saw each other one other time, at his cousins graduation... I was a tomboy back then so some were shocked (guess I wasn't that hot...), others were happy for me, but I felt good. I had a boyfriend! Take that guys! Lol. Anyway we had to break up (over the phone - lol) because I was moving to England for boarding school. His cousin actually had to do it for us because neither of us had the guts. He was the only "boy" I have ever gone out with. He was a couple of months younger than me but we were in the same grade so I was ok with it - lol. So that was the oh-so interesting first relationship. Not even my first kiss in there, and it ended well. I never talked to him again.

My Second Ex - Cheater Number One

My second ex and I hooked up in Ghana while I was on summer vacation. I was 15, he was 21 (or 20 or 22, but I think it was 21). He is the one who is now cheating on his wife, but we will get there in a minute.

So there I was having an ok summer. As I said my mom is way strict so I never really get to go anywhere when I'm with her. I was going to summer school at the time and met alot of 18+ year olds because I think it was called a 'remedial school'? I'm not sure but we were using my cousin's teachers as my personal tutors. We would go to this school together and then go to our individual classes. Sometime I even went to hers just because...

Anyway so here I was basking in all this attention. Guys checking me, I was the new one in the group (new and foreign one...). I was 15 but for ages I always looked (some people even say I acted) older. I was after this one guy (when I think about it he was not cute, I've picked some interesting ones... Lol) and he left school for a week, then other men moved in. Long story short there were some tears (not mine) and I got with M.S.E.

M.S.E was actually my neighbour where we were staying. My mom had us in the house and one night we started throwing notes up and down at each other. I was on the balcony he was at the front of the house. On one of these pieces of paper (now in the trash somewhere - Lol) he asked me out. And in the 1 week absense of the other guy, I said yes...

With him I got the worst first kiss ever, and some physical attention that I can now look back and cringe on 'cuz in retrospect that guy is slimy... ewww...

I dumped him later when I got back to school over the phone - long distance I had no other choice than phone. He got pissed and sent some very rude emails after that. I deleted them as a sign of getting over it. Which I did.

Because my 3rd ex was his friend - long story later, we knew each others whereabouts but he was very "mean" for lack of better words till very recently.

He met this girl online some time after we broke up I assume and they started "dating" (I'm not a believer in that system but I've seen it work for some). They met each other summer '08 for the first time and like 2 weeks later they were married. Apparently they had disscussed marriage online or something and did it in person when they met. I got invited by ex number 3 but I didn't think it was a good idea to show up... Lol - how ackward would that have been?

To me something wasn't right, apart from their marriage I wondered his motives. She is a caucasion woman, his age, with one child from another Ghanian man. Fine. I personally thought he needed a passport - straight up. When we were together while I was in Ghana he was talking about how he would take care of me blah, blah, blah and I was like ummm... a bit freaked out and left the situation (thank God I have some brains - however small they might be...) So now he's with this British chick (she's aiight looking) and they barely kicked it in person and now rings?!?! He's still young what was he rushing for?!?! Do you get me?

So they're married now but UK won't give him a visa (Lol - I'm sorry but I still find that funny - I can be a hater I won't lie) for like 1-2 years into their marriage... I'm like wooow... warning sign much? But the woman (God bless her) is persistant and he finally gets to move to UK. They were having problems before becuase he is a little online freak but that is a novel in itself. This woman puts it all aside (we're friends by the way - Lol) and takes him anyway. What does he go and do over the holidays??! Sleep with someone else after he's slept with her and get caught! Can you imagine?

So this is where I come in. I was trying to be a nice ex someway somehow - and I don't even remember how I came to know the woman, and I won't lie I was also checking how he survived without me. This woman is so trusting she pours out her soul to me about this relationship. First I'm laughing with my friends like my ex is a dickhead, thinking I'm hotter than the latest one blah, blah, blah but then I stop laughing because her problems are serious with him, especially now that he's been introduced into her daughter's life and I'm giving this woman advice like... I don't even know! I'm trying to help them out since I know my ex without being biased because I'm the last person that's going to tell someone to get a divorce. And if they divorce his ass in back in Ghana...

So me and my friends had been following their situation because I was telling them about it - not everyone just 3 or 4 close friends. I need to talk to sort my head out. Meanwhile she's saying don't tell anyone... I'm feeling like they don't know her anyway so it won't hurt her you know? If I tell me ex it would be different but anyway I don't let both of my exes know I know. I felt a bit bad even typing it out, I'm not a bitch I promise...

Now I get him on the otherside wanting me to help him find work. I'm like me and you who should be helping who!?!? His grown ass self can't find a job?!?! I'm like ok... Do this and this blah blah blah (he actually wants to work at my Uni in our student union of which I'm a VERY active member...) My mind is saying hell no but I tell him what to do because I know they won't take him anyway - he wants to promote and DJ and whatnot and I'm like in my head - we already have people doing that we dont need you... Meanwhile I'm also like in my head 'I hope you know what you're doing because your ass is so close to being deported'...

And the icing on the cake is like he tells me he misses my brother and wants to see him. My brother is 15. I'm like you do realise to see him you have to see me? He like he knows blah, blah, blah... I don't like crushing people so I said ok. Not in agreement to making it happen. I just acknowledged the request. And until I typed this out I didn't even realise the extent to how messed up this is.

I don't want him in my life outside of the phone. At least till they sort their mess out. I don't want to be a contributing factor to a failed marriage. As of now I told the woman to go to marriage counseling to try and sort things out before she calls it quits. I thought it was very objective advice and wouldn't get me into trouble.

So that's the first 2 exes. 2 more to go then my fabulous boyfriend after them. Would do it now but this post is too long - so Wednesday it is!

Happy 13 months to me!
Love,
Therapy x